A Woman After God’s Own Heart (part 1)
A few months ago, I had been thinking about a man and marriage a lot. Not in a sinfully bad way (denial), but sinful nevertheless because instead of focusing my thoughts on my Savior, I was focusing on my desire of wanting this man.
I told myself… I’m ready to read books and study men so that I may know how they think. The book I wanted to pick up was “Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul” by John Eldredge. I thought, with this, I’ll know the heart of a man, and I’ll become better equipped in spirit for when mind comes around. I’ll have a better understanding and I’ll know how to respond in situations. I even thought, I will get this book on audio so that I can go through it quicker and be ready sooner.
So, online I went to iTunes, ready to make my purchase. I signed in to my account and clicked “buy now.” Uh oh, I was prompted that I didn’t have enough credits in my account. Next step: I knew I had another iTunes gift card somewhere, I just needed to find it, activate it and retry my purchase, but it would have to be tomorrow. I was temporarily delayed, but still determined that this is what I needed to do.
Shortly after that (I can’t recall if it was later that day or the next day), an internal voice said to me, “I don’t wan’t you reading about the heart of men, I want you to read and know about My heart.” Wow! The Holy Spirit was instructing me to pursue God’s heart, not man’s. I thought to myself, wow, I guess I better obey.
Well, since then, I’m not sure how well I’ve been doing in pursuing God’s heart, but I have certainly not made much effort to purchase any book to give me insight into men. God was still saying “no” when I caught a sales rack at the Christian book store a few weeks ago and saw many book copies of “Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman” (Eldredge’s book companion to “Wild at Heart”), but I didn’t see one copy of “Wild at Heart.”
I desire to meet the man that I will soon call my groom, but right now, God is saying that Jesus is my groom and that He wants me to know and study His heart! Does this story relate to anything you may be going through or have gone through in your personal life? Often we get caught up in thinking and wanting our desire, instead of leaving that desire in prayer and focusing on God.
In early May, I told my what I call “broken heart story” to a group of believers that I didn’t know, and in our time of prayer and meditation one person who was practicing his prophetic, approached me to say, “Jesus wants you to know that this man will be your groom, but that Jesus will always be your ultimate groom.” No doubt, part of that was indeed correct, but the other still to be foreseen.
Until the right time, I will continue to study and know the heart of Jesus, my ultimate groom. Amen! In Christ’s love.
